We will be launching “FEAR OF INTIMACY” soon, so watch for it.
Gregory has been to the alter four times and the court has ordered him to family counseling. Stay tuned for more about Gregory.
The launch date has been changed. April 21, 2018 is now VIOLATED’S launch date. Mark your calendars, you are in for a treat!
GET READY FOR VIOLATED. BEING LAUNCHED MARCH 24, 2018. SO, WAIT FOR IT!
Okay here is some of VIOLATED
Riding on this airplane has me a nervous wreck. I hate flying, especially when there are air pockets and this flight from Philly to New York seems to be nothing but air pockets. I have two flights and this first one is only fifty minutes but because of the air pockets, this flight is very stressful for me. There goes another pocket! Oh my goodness, where is that Flight Attendant, I need another drink.
Umm, that feels so good going down. Let me close my eyes and relax.
I wonder if Cousin Annabelle will be at the Homegoing. She hasn’t attended any family functions since her mother’s funeral six years ago. When I think of how close we were growing up, not seeing her at any family functions really causes a sting in my heart. I am always hopeful she’ll be at the next family function only to be disappointed when she doesn’t show.
I’m on my way to Jamestown New York, for Ma’dear’s Homegoing Services. It’s hard to believe she’s gone. For as long as I can remember my loving grandmother has always been an anchor in our family and, personally in my life. Now I’m faced with what to do without her.
I would call Ma’dear anytime in the night and she always took time to pray and give me some good ole sound grandmotherly advice. She was always right but of course most times I didn’t do what she said. Ma’dear had a way of soothing me. I think it was her love for me that was so evident in her sweet voice. I don’t know, but I do know I was always making mistakes, and she loved me unconditionally.
Ma’dear would console me then pray the perfect will of the Lord concerning the situation. She’d tell me to be in agreement with what the Lord has for me. That way I’d be able to sleep and not worry.
I’m sitting on this airplane smiling as I hear in my head the love in her voice. What’s so amazing to me is, Ma’dear was always right. I would pray and ask the Lord to help me trust Him and teach me how to be in agreement with His will for whatever the situation, and it always worked. I would calm down then fall right off to sleep. Now that she’s gone, who will I call on to pray for me?
Where in the world is that Flight Attendant, I need another drink!
AND NOW, SOME OF: WHO ME 4GIVE?
As we rush to be seated in the sanctuary before the eleven o’clock service begins; Sister Hamilton was just wrapping up the Sunday school announcements. Today is Youth Sunday and because the youth choir is singing, we can hardly find a seat due to the choir members sitting in the pews instead of in the choir stand.
Finally we get seated and settled right at the moment Sister Hamilton announces that our church; Bethel Missionary Baptist, has been invited to render two selections at Praise Tabernacle Church’s third Annual Musical Concert being held Saturday, May 19th. I felt my face flush as I thought, ‘Oh great that’s Nye’s church; I’ll have to play another game of hide & seek. This really needs to stop; I can’t keep going out of my way to avoid him.’ Nye is my twin brother, Zinye Benjamin Rustin is his full name, and I am Zinora Ruth Rustin-Patterson, but all my life I have been called “Z.” Today is March 25th and next month on the 28th Nye and I will be twenty four. That sounds like a blessing; right? Well, it would be if only we were speaking to each other. This birthday will denote our 7th year of “rifting.” The truth being told, the last time we said “hi” directly to one another was the day Wardell and I married; four years ago this coming June 22nd. I don’t want to think about Nye right now, I need to concentrate on the Word this morning and not get worked up and leave church mad!
HERE IS SOME OF SECRETS & THEIR LIES
I push the button to turn off my alarm clock and my phone rings. Immediately I think, ‘7 am, oh no who died, that’s the only reason someone would call this early in the morning.’ As I bring the receiver to my ear I hear Aunt Flora, “Oh good, I wanted to catch you before you left for work Angie, I need you to come by this evening. I have something very crucial to talk with you about.” I respond, “Aunt Flora is everything alright, because I have a Luncheon this afternoon.” She was her usual evasive self and replied, “You will get your answers when you arrive, see you promptly at 5:30 pm. bye Angie.” Click. I laid there staring at the dial tone coming from my phone for a few seconds, then shook my head as I placed the handset back onto the receiver. I have a luncheon to cater and she’s going to have me in a rush; and I hate to be rushed, ugh Aunt Flora!
As I throw back the cover and get out of bed, my mind immediately goes to how Aunt Flora has always been very peculiar and extremely rigid, now I’ve added demanding to the list. See, Aunt Flora is the youngest living out of the 6 children now that my mother has passed.
My Big Mama, Gertrude Bowen and Big Daddy, Roy Bowen had Uncle Lester and Aunt Shirley then, Big Daddy was drafted into the Army. As soon as he left for boot camp Big Mama found out she was pregnant with Aunt Brenda. Big Daddy lost his left leg up to his mid thigh and was sent back home. That’s when Uncle Howard and Aunt Flora were added to the family tree. Several years later, Big Daddy died and Big Mama found out she was pregnant with my mother; De Anne, and they all called her “the change baby,” because Big Mama was in her 40’s.
My second book titled “Shame In Me” was originally published December 2011. PROSPERING SOUL PUBLISHING is now publishing “SHAME IN ME REVISED” and is available for purchase through all of your on-line retailers.
This is not happening to me! I must be dreaming, no, I am dreaming! Maybe if I close my eyes I’ll wake up. Still here! I have to be dreaming; no way is this really happening to me! I know I am not in jail. I must be having one of those dreams that seem real. I could not possibly be in jail for real! Oh Lord, I am in jail! How did I get here? I don’t believe this! How did I end up here, in jail? Me! In jail!
Policeman walks to the front of the room and states, “all of you get one phone call, the line forms there.”
Oh, that’s me, why is this guard pulling my arm so hard, doesn’t he know his own strength! What inhumane treatment. Oh Lord, you have got to get me out of here! I don’t belong here. Jesus, help me, please.
I want to cry but I’m afraid if I do, the others being arrested will think I’m weak and I don’t want anyone to pick on me. I’d better keep a straight face so no one will know how scared I am. My goodness, how in the world did I end up here, me, in here? In the name of Jesus; I decree protection over me while I’m in this place. Cover me with Your Blood, I promise, Lord; if you get me out of here, I’ll never come back.
I know I should have never written those checks, but I’ve written checks before… What’s wrong with me? Standing here decreeing and justifying my wrong in the same breath! What have I become? I know writing bad checks is wrong. How did I become this. What happened to me? Lord I know better, please, I really need you…
Now Enjoy some of my first book, “Abandoned No More”
Oh, I’m so beyond tired. I’ll get some sleep tonight. While I unlock the front door to my apartment, I hear the slight sound of the phone ringing. I glance at my watch. Five forty five. Just like clockwork, I know it’s him again. Today is Monday, the second day he’s called. I know I made myself clear as store bought ice; I don’t want to be bothered! Before I arrived home yesterday evening, he had already called and left a message. He said he was sorry and wanted to talk to me and asked me to please call him. After I listened to his pitiful excuse of an apology, I just deleted it. I really, don’t want to be bothered.
I’d better check my messages now before I get relaxed. Beep ….Monday, five forty five pm. “Sister Thompson, I totally understand what you were saying to me last night. But, I really think you are afraid of a relationship with me. I will never intentionally, ever, bring you harm. I would like for you to give me a chance to prove it to you. Please call me. Bye.” I bend over and inform the answering machine “Hey Mr. Johns you are a man, and that means you’re prone to lie. And you’ve got some nerve telling me that I am just afraid of a relationship! Newsflash, Mr. Timothy Johns, not going to happen! I do not want to be bothered.” Now I began pacing the floor thinking ‘Oh, I’m going to set him so straight. What must I do to get my point across? I’ll write him a note, something. I know; I’ll call him from work tomorrow, when I’m done with him, he’ll know he’s been stung. I can’t believe him!’